A post about kittens & loss (which non animal lovers may find hard to understand)

cat

Aside from trying to move house for the last 7 months my husband and I decided we would get a couple of kittens once we were in our new house.

Our cat passed away before we moved in with my parents, my husband had her for 11 years and he was gutted when she passed. Over the last 4 years I grew to love her so much and was so sad when she was no longer a part of our lives.

I had my heart set on a kitten/s, my husband would prefer a rescue cat/s but I so desperately wanted to have a kitten. A baby is so far from where we are (if ever), I just want to raise a little being, that may sound ridiculous (of course a kitten isn’t a replacement for a baby) but it might just take up some room in the huge baby shaped void. We agreed that after the kittens we’d get a rescue cat.

After researching so many breeds of cat, we found a breed that’s perfect for us. We want to get a pedigree that’s fully registered so that you know it’s been raised correctly and shouldn’t have too many health problems plus they are ridiculously cute.

Turns out there aren’t lot of official breeders in the UK for the particular bread of cat we would like but we found a breeder whose cat was due to give birth last week, ready for us to pick up the kittens mid-September (we should have a house by then and have got back from holiday so timing would have been perfect).

I received a text from the breeder this morning to say the cat had lost all of her babies as they arrived too early.

So sad, poor cat 😥 Loss… infertility.

It was something my husband said that made me feel so sad. My husband made a comment that the loss ‘follows him around’.

This struck a big chord. My husband is someone who has had so much loss in terms of trying to have a baby, not only mentally but massively financially. He is someone who would make the most fantastic dad, he’s such a good man, morally, ethically. To people who don’t know him has quite a dry sense of humor, he’s misunderstood by so many people and that makes me sad quite a bit as people don’t often take the time to understand him.

He’d do anything for anyone yet no one has ever helped him, he relies on no one and everything he’s become he has done on his own in contrast to his background and the family (or lack of) around him. I so badly wanted to raise a child with him and for his genes to live on but that will never happen and it breaks my heart.

There’s nothing that can be done or said to comfort him and I so badly believed that last year I had given him a child and i’ll never forget how happy he was.

So these kittens that we’d talked about, planned and named are not meant to be.

I know this is negative or may sound ridiculous talking of kittens but really it’s more than just cats.

Of course we’ll get kittens or cat’s just but it’s that feeling of ‘come on we deserve a break here people!’ and my husbands comment.

So that’s my blog about kittens as a ridiculous as it sounds it’s made me feel quite sad today and sad for the most important man in my life.

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7 comments

  1. Your post isn’t ridiculous at all. I’m sad for the cat that lost her kittens and for you and your husband that were looking forward to bringing kitties home. You did a beautiful job of weaving in a description of your husband’s experience with infertility. So much of it sounded so familiar to me. I am sorry for your losses. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  2. oh…. this makes perfect sense to me too… I am so sorry the loss of those little kittens was such a blow to you both too… I’m glad your husband has you by his side… hold each other close x

    Liked by 1 person

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